


It Always Follows Me

by kissability



Series: Gawsten Oneshots [18]
Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Closeted Character, College!AU, M/M, mention of daterape drugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 07:56:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14184393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissability/pseuds/kissability
Summary: Awsten overhears his crush and his friends discuss going to a gay club that night.He's anxious, and he's closeted, and he's going if it's the last thing he ever does.





	It Always Follows Me

Awsten overhears it when he’s in the library. He doesn’t mean to, it’s subconscious as first, but it’s coming out of  _his_ mouth and whatever comes out of  _his_ mouth gets picked up. He’s trying to bury his head into his textbook, but he can’t avoid the way his mind is drawn to the conversation that he’s having with his friends.

They’re going to a gay club. Tonight. That’s what they’re talking about, and Awsten knew that  _he_ was gay, but this was an entirely different thing. Geoff is going to a club with his friends and is probably going to get drunk and that’s good for him, but a gay club means boys. A lot of boys. A lot of single boys who are going to be all over Geoff, who’s excitable and brave and kind and attractive and thinking about it makes Awsten feel  _dirty._

Awsten is a pretty sociable person, right? He’s cheerful and loud and he talks to anyone and everyone. If he needed to, he could interview a brick wall and get some redeeming, essay-worthy quotes from it. He could get shot in the heart and he’d say that he’s grateful that at least it wasn’t his brain, right before getting shot in the back of the head and dying. These were seemingly positive personality traits, because they meant he was a positive person, but he wasn’t. Not always. He’s anxious and he’s secretive and he’s fucking closeted. He’s so closeted that he’s inside his crawl space because you can only back up so far, but you sure can crawl a good ten or twenty feet back depending on how big your house’s foundation is.

He wants to go. He’s never been to a gay club, even though he’s twenty two years old, and he’s only recently come to terms with the fact that he’s gay. He’s really gay. But how gay is he, really? Is he gay enough to go to a club that’s literally made for it? Maybe. Yes, yes, he definitely is.

Maybe he should go. He’s always wanted to, before he even knew he did, if that makes sense. He’s always wanted to dance beneath the flashing lights and he wants to take non-alcoholic jello shots that probably don’t even exist but he doesn’t drink, and he wants to have fun. He wants to have a good time because ever since he realized his feelings for boys weren’t always platonic, he’s been in a constant state of nauseousness and he needs to vomit it all out.

Okay, gross. Maybe that wasn’t the exact way he felt, but  _Love, Simon_  had stolen his metaphor for being closeted but he was a writing major and knew that plagiarism was a big deal. It was like he’d been holding his breath for his whole life and was finally getting the chance for air. He needed to take it. He was going to breathe oxygen, if only for one night.

It had nothing to do with his obnoxious crush on Geoff Wigington. This was his own redeeming sort-of coming out story, a tale he’ll tell his grandkids when he’s in his fucking seventies or something. _Yeah, your grandpa came out by going to a club full of strippers and predatory old men…_  Okay, maybe not the tale he’d tell to his grandchildren. He’d just tell them the first time he’d officially talked to their other grandpa was because they met up somewhere Awsten wasn’t supposed to be in the first place.

No,  _no!_ He’d scolded himself.  _Too creepy._ He was showing up, though. He was going to the only gay club in Houston that (hopefully) nobody else that he knew would be there, and he was going to come out. To a large amount of complete strangers. So, not out of the closet, but out of the crawl space. Or, crawl closer to the entrance of the crawl space. Kind of.

It was a start.

Once Geoff left, though, Awsten collapsed his head straight into his textbook because how in the  _hell_ was he supposed to go to a club full of attractive guys and expect Geoff to notice or even  _find_ him. Another thing, how the _hell_  was  _he_ supposed to act chill around so many attractive guys when he’d never even been kissed by one.

He’d just figure it out later, like he always did.

He reminded himself to stop thinking with his heart.

\------

He regretted attempting to figure it out later, like he always did.

He’d been at this club for about a half hour, and he was sitting at the bar one moment, hanging out alone and the next he had a drink in his hand.

No, he hadn’t suddenly decided to become an alcoholic. He still considered himself straightedge, whatever straightedge was supposed to mean, because he didn’t buy it. He was looking around when the bartender had kindly passed him a drink, compliment of “the man across the bar.”

Awsten had looked over, across said bar, and saw a man. Not just any man. Wasn’t Geoff, either. It was some random elderly guy that Awsten had never seen in his life, and suddenly he was getting up from his place on the barstool and  _oh god_ , he was coming over to him. Awsten’s eyes shot open as he nervously bit his nails because he wasn’t really sure what else to do. He could’ve gotten up, but he felt like everyone dealt with this at some point in their life, and he needed to man up and deal with it too.

So he watched as the older guy stood in front of him with likely the creepiest smile Awsten had ever witnessed. The man placed his hand on the edge of the countertop with a semi-strong grip and smiled even wider. “So, you enjoy the drink?”

Awsten smiled politely. Anxiously. “I don’t drink, actually,” He said before glancing away, scanning the crowd. Right now would be a good time for prince charming to pop out of nowhere and come battle this dragon to death for him, and once the battle was finished, it’d be nice if said prince charming embraced Awsten in his arms before the trauma of seeing a dragon get brutally murdered could settle in.

He clicked himself back into reality. He tended to do that, transport himself into a fantasy world when he was anxious. That meant it happened a lot. The man vaguely asked if Awsten was  _sure_ that he didn’t drink, and that’s when Awsten’s eyes drifted over to the full glass. The straw was moving slightly, in a circle, and the man’s palm was a bit closer to the glass. He’d been mixing it.

There were drugs in it. That, Awsten was sure of. Otto, his best friend in the whole world, was attending medical school, and Otto knew that Awsten was gay, and his brilliant, over-thinking ass knew that Awsten would eventually go to clubs. He had given him the “Roofies: 101” talk, as he liked to call it, literally the day of his confession. It felt more like “Roofies: 1001,” but Awsten was suddenly very thankful. And minorly afraid.

“You know, I might as well try some.” The boy with brown hair smiled softly, lifting the glass off of the table and pulling it up, near his throat. The man looked pleased. Well, obviously. What he didn’t realize, though, was the fact that Awsten had subconsciously decided that sometimes, you had to be your own knight in shining armor.

_Think with your head, think with your head, think with your head._

Before he could process his own thoughts, he shot the drink forward and spilt it all over the stranger, dropping the glass onto the floor before darting into the crowd. His heart beat through his chest as he bounded between the people, pushing and shoving and surprisingly not being yelled at. He had a bit of drink on him himself, but couldn’t find it in himself to care.

He kept running until he hit someone, dead on. Luckily, they didn’t have anything in their hands otherwise Awsten would’ve felt  _really_ guilty. He stepped back, gaining back his breath after wasting his energy for a moment. “I’m sorry,” He says, lifting his head up, “I’m just-”

It’s Geoff. Like he’s the main character in a romantic comedy made for straight people, he just ran into Geoff. The dim lighting and random flashes of color make him hard to decipher, but it’s most definitely him.

“Awsten. From communications, right?” Geoff, in his soft voice asks. He’s mostly sober, from what Awsten can tell. Maybe had a drink or two, but not much. He looks good, and probably hasn’t danced much thus far, and wait, hold on, he knows his fucking name. Awsten’s name just slipped from Geoff’s mouth and it’s only two syllables but it sounds like his name has never been said by anyone before then, it sounds like heaven. Awsten feels like a school girl with a childish crush but he can’t control it.

“Yes, yeah, that’s…” Awsten realizes that he’s still completely pressed into Geoff’s chest, and backs up a bit. Geoff smells like axe, which is kind of a douchey smell, but Geoff’s not a douche, so it works. “That’s me.” He finishes.

“Cool, cool.” The other brunet smiles and it’s that half-smile, smirk-like thing that he does all the time and it makes Awsten’s heart melt. “Geoff, y’know… That’s my name.”

Awsten nods, a little too fast. He’s angry about the guy but he’s feeling soft because of Geoff and everything is building. “Yeah, I’ve uh, heard the professor call your name a couple times.” He half-laughs loudly over the music.

“So,” Geoff speaks, “I uh-” The music volume increases, so he has to speak up, “I didn’t know you were gay!”

“Uh, yeah…” The heterochromic boy responded, still coming to terms with referring to himself as gay, or even with other people referring to him as such. His anxiety is getting to him again, telling him that the stranger who he threw a drink at is going to find him and get pissed. The angry side of him is saying that maybe he would be able to take him in a fight. The nice part is yelling at them both. “I… I am. That’s me. Hence… why I’m here. Can we go outside, and uh, talk more? It’s pretty loud in here.”

“What?” Geoff yells, over the music.

“Can we- Outside?” Awsten asks, louder, pointing towards where the door is. He really wishes that the club didn’t play the same song but a little bit louder over and over again. Geoff barely seemed to get the hint, so he grabbed him by the wrist and began walking, pulling him along with. He seemed to somewhat get the hint now, but they continued to walk with Awsten’s hand latched onto him until they were outside of the building The music was still very much present, but not quite as booming.

They could talk now, but for a second, they just stood in silence as they got used to the outside air. Awsten still had a kick of adrenaline inside of him, the city around them was alive, and Geoff was right there.  _You’re not scared of anything_ , he reminded himself.

His anxiety often fucked with his mind, toying with everything. Attempting to fix what wasn’t broken and in the process, messing it up even more. Awsten was  _not_  afraid. He had no reason to be, even if his organs felt like they were re-arranging and even if everything he’d ever been taught was rewinding right before his eyes. _Fuck you, quiet._

“Can you do me a favor?” Awsten blurted deliriously, getting his thoughts out. His hyperactiveness and anxiety contradicted themselves and instead of canceling each other out like  _PEMDAS_ , just confused him even more and caused his impulse to increase a tenfold.

Geoff was slightly shocked by the words, jumping up slightly in surprise, but leaning in a bit, as he was interested. They were still a few feet apart, and Awsten’s hand was now by his side, but it was not less tense than it’d been in the club. If anything, with the music from the inside of the building pounding and the night air washing over them, it was more.

“Yeah?” Geoff asked, his voice lower than it needed to be.

“I’ve had a _bad_  night.” Awsten stated, his hands waving in the air. “I only kind of wanted to come here, and I almost got roofied, and It’s been a _weird_  fucking night, okay,” He paused, stress building up inside of him like a rubber band wrapping around a watermelon, “And I know that we barely know each other but I have never been kissed by a guy and I want that to happen, right now.”

Geoff’s eyes widened, his head drifting back in surprise. He nodded his head in a daze, before processing what Awsten had just said. “Wait…  _what?”_

“ _Fuck,_ ” Awsten said, and his hands were all the way in the air right now as his voice raised, and he angrily pointed at Geoff as he took a step towards him. “I want you to fucking kiss me like nobody would when I was fifteen, because I am so fucking tired of waiting, and wondering if-”

Awsten didn’t get the chance to finish his angry rant about kissing because Geoff’s lips were on his and he was kissing a  _boy,_ a  _boy_ was kissing him, and he was kissing him back, and everything was soft and it was weird but he was kissing a fucking  _boy_. Geoff moved his hands to wrap around his waist and Awsten’s hands did what was natural and rested on Geoff’s shoulders and holy fucking  _shit._

It was like he’d found a relic that had been lost for years, like he had been tired for a millenia and could finally sleep, it was like… It was like fireworks were being set off inside of him, but without the pain. It was just the pretty lights and the loud, outstanding noises, and it was pure bliss.

Geoff detaches their lips after a moment, but not his arms, and Awsten’s head aches. It’s a good headache, though, like he just took a huge inhale of helium and is dealing with the hilarious aftermath, minus the laughs. It’s not funny, but it’s a moment of realization and it’s a moment of rawness that Awsten didn’t know he had in him. He feels dizzy in the best way possible.

“Is that everything you dreamed of when you were a teenager?” Geoff asks in a whisper, and leans his forehead against Awsten’s. It feels intimate and private even though they’re on the sidewalk and it feels perfect.  _Perfect._

Awsten doesn’t respond. He only kisses back.


End file.
